MyMonisahw

Everyone has asked me why I would quit my job, sell my car, put everything into storage and go to India.  Here is the reason.

It’s important to understand the culture in India and the basic life style of the poor.  They use corporal punishment for everything that needs to change from being lazy to disobeying to lying.  They feel justified in ‘beating’ children to make them behave.  This is most among the lower class.  They have nothing, live in hovels and survive by begging.  We have a 7 year old boy with brain damage who was beat by his mother because he wouldn’t leave her alone so she beat him until he would sit in the corner and whimper.  The children learn survival mode as infants.

MyMonishaw is 9 years old.  She is very bossy, loud and aggressive.  She has huge anger management issues.  She can be demanding and obnoxious.  She was been badly abused and beaten since birth. 

 A week ago she asked the librarian for a paper and box of crayons.  She promised to give them back to the librarian when finished.  She came into the hall and sat on a bench to color.  Four other girls came into the hall and saw her.  A darling 5 year old, Sudah, picked up a crayon and started coloring which made MyMonishaw angry but she let her color.  Then Sudah picked up the box and walked away.  MyMonishaw lost it and started hitting Suda with her fist when I came around the corner.  I took MyMonishaw’s hand and told her she could not hit.  She went into a tantrum hitting and trying to get away from my hold on her.  I took her to the office where she was still out of control.  I told her again she can’t hit and left her for about 10 minutes to settle down.  When I went back she sat with her arms folded, had fire in her eyes and wouldn’t talk to me.  I sat next to her and explained I cannot allow her to hit.  We don’t hit at Rising Star.  If she needed help she could come get me and I would help her but she cannot hit anyone.  She wouldn’t look at me or respond so I let her go back to the hostel.  I stewed over the loss of a relationship with her.  It only re-enforced her belief that she is of no value and she can’t trust adults.  

The next day I went to the hostel after dinner when they have an hour of free time before bed.  I took with me a plastic, zipper pouch with a box of crayons, small scissors, a glue stick and glitter paper.  I sat in the outer room of her group where I saw her playing with the other girls.  She looked at me, turned angry and looked away.  I sat talking to some of the girls for a half hour.  They asked me why I was there and why I brought the pouch.  I said it was for MyMonishaw.  She finally sat next to me and I put my arm around her shoulders.  I quietly explained that we don’t hit and I cannot let her hit other children.  I reassured her if she needs help any time she can come get me and I will help her.  She softened and let me give her a hug.  The next day two different teachers tried to take her pouch away.  She came to me with teacher in tow - I could see she was upset.  The teacher asked if the pouch was hers.  I said yes, I gave it to her.  She smiled.  That afternoon she came into my office and stood watching me work.  When I looked up she smiled but didn’t say anything.  I said I needed a hug.  She gave me a big hug and left.  We have had 2 other incidents when she was upset and came to me.  I helped her figure out what to say and how to be nice.  I am confident she is on the path to feeling good about herself, that she has a friend who won’t push her away and that she can be nice to get what she wants.